Bunny
by CrazyBeCat
Summary: A not so happy day brings about tension in the office when Miranda learns a painful piece of Andy's life, after she witnessed the brunette slap (backhand) Emily across the face. Thank you XV for your help.


**A/N: I am just about to leave my house for dance, but I wanted to get this up beforehand.**

**THANK YOU SO MUCH, XV, FOR YOUR HELP! :D You're SUPER awesome!**

**I hope you like it.**

**My next to be updated will be G-D-T. I will be spending the next few days focused solely on getting the next chapter complete. So, I am hoping for Saturday or Sunday to have it posted. Send me some good vibes! :)**

**All my love,**

**CBC**

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><p>Andy woke up with an empty feeling in her chest. Her whole body ached with phantom pains.<p>

Sighing, she took a deep breath, blinked back tears, and got out of bed. She clutched the soft, stuffed bunny that was in her arms to her chest for a few extra moments before she set it down and got ready for the day, a hole burning through her heart.

Finished with her shower, her make up, and her clothes, Andy swallowed back tears as she grabbed her purse for the day, and tucked the bunny into it.

She wouldn't make it through the day without it at least in her vicinity.

Arriving at the Elias-Clarke building with Starbucks and a fragile hold on her emotions, she pushed through and stepped into the elevator, swiping her pass that would skip directly to the _Runway_ floors without stopping. Her head felt heavy, and her eyes sore.

Blinking them repeatedly, she sighed and steeled herself as the elevator came to a stop, and the door slid open for her to walk out.

Heading in the direction of her desk, she dropped off her purse before stepping into Miranda's office, "Good morning, Emily." She said, despite how she didn't feel like saying anything.

She got a dismissive grunt in return… and couldn't find the energy to roll her eyes like she usually did. Placing out Miranda's desk how she liked it, Andy looked up just as the Editor barreled through and tossed her coat and purse in Emily's direction, "Emily. Get me Massimo. That blundering baboon has failed me again. Call Haraime and tell him that I am sick of his assuming what I want. If I say 'tanned model' I do not mean 'pasty white' nor do I mean 'Indian' when I say I'm looking for 'African-American'. To think of the color expressions with the lighter skin would not be appropriate in the setting we already have chosen for the shoot. She's a beautiful model, but is not what I am looking for. If he doesn't clean out his ears and listen I will be forced to have him removed. This is his last chance, and that is one too many. Shanahan is to be in my office no later than eleven, and if she shows up late, send her away and call human resources for a replacement."

Andy stepped out of Miranda's way as she breezed into her office and barely spared her a glance as she said, "Go to Tiffany's, Andrea, and ask for Isabella. She will show you a collection of necklaces and bracelets. Take a minute, before saying that you'll take them all to have them reviewed. Then be sure to keep your eyes open as they pack the collection back into their packaging. Some incompetent snail tangled three necklace chains in the last batch and I will not have that happen again. Do not let them cheat you."

Nodding- and wondering why she was doing the running while Emily was doing the calls- she grabbed her phone from her purse and scurried from the outer office with the words, "Yes, Miranda," unaware that when she'd hurried to grab her phone, that her bunny's ears had flopped out of her purse, and were easily seen by anyone who looked.

/DWP/

Moving into the outer office with three bags from Tiffany, thirty-five minutes later, Andy froze when she saw a small crowd of employees gathered at her desk… passing around her bunny.

Red passed before her eyes as she put the bags down, "Where the hell did you get that! Put her down!"

Emily snorted and grabbed the toy from whoever had it, "Oh, this? I found it in your purse." She pressed her free hand to her mouth and giggled, "What is it? Do you need it to protect you from the big, bad Miranda?"

The people grouped around her all chuckled.

Feeling tears gather in her eyes, Andy clenched her hands into fists before she stalked over and grabbed the bunny from the redhead, "Knock it off, and leave my things alone." She seethed.

"You're such a baby. God, I can't believe that you haven't been dumped yet. Your whining is such a bother."

Andy turned around and began to go over the schedule on her desk, holding the bunny tightly in her hand.

"Oh grow up, Andrea. You're a little too old for little toys, don't you think? Oh. Wait. Do you take it around and talk to it like a little baby because you're boyfriend doesn't want to have any of your fat babies? Or, do you take it out and-"

The echo of skin against skin silenced the room as Andy spun around and backhanded Emily across the face, "Shut up! Just shut up!" She screamed, her face red, and tears now streaming down her cheeks.

She grabbed her purse from her desk and moved to push through the stunned little cluster of people. Choking back a sob, she clutched the bunny to her chest and was about to exit the outer office through the side door, when Miranda entered through the main door, "If you all believe this is a gathering place, then you're all fired. Emily, fix your face. You look terrible. Andrea, my office. Now."

Halting her motion, Andy didn't bother to turn around as she heard the other employs all bustle from the area, muttering apologies. Swallowing she sniffed and said, "I'm going home."

"No." Miranda stated simply, "First you're coming into my office. Emily, I told you to leave and clean up. Why aren't you gone?"

Andy heard a scuffle of feet and then silence, but instead of turning around, she leaned her head against the glass of the door in front of her. She couldn't stay here. Taking a deep breath she spoke out softly, "No, I'm going home."

As she pushed at the door, a smooth, warm hand caught her elbow, "First, you're coming into my office. Then I'll have Roy take you home." Miranda's voice was soft, as it usually was… but full of a… kind gentleness that Andy had never heard before.

Shocked, she didn't completely realize that the hand had drawn her away from the door, and had pulled her along into Miranda's office. The older woman led her to the couch, and softly pressed on her shoulders until her knees bent and she sat down on the overstuffed seat.

Using careful fingers, Miranda pried Andy's purse from her fingers, and tucked it just under the edge of the couch.

Tears were still streaking down her cheeks, and her eyes were bleary, but Andy watched as Miranda walked away, grabbed a box of tissues, and then returned. She took a seat beside her, and used one set of smooth, warm fingers to turn her head, and the other to grab a tissue and dab at the tears running down her neck.

"I'm glad you weren't wearing any rings. It would have been rather deplorable if any of them had caught at Emily's skin." Miranda said quietly, as she reached for another tissue and began to caress tear-stained cheeks. "Loosen your hold a little on the rabbit's head, dear, your nails are digging into the seams."

Andy immediately did as instructed, the words jolting her from her minor state of shock. She gasped and pulled away from Miranda, only to have the Editor pull her back to continue to clean away the falling tears and smeared make up.

"Would you like to explain why I was walking down the hall expecting to see my two working assistants, only to see you smack Emily across the face?"

Andy shook her head, "I'd like to go home."

"Yes, I heard. What did Emily say, Andrea? I am quite done with the two of you not getting along."

Andy remained silent, her eyes downcast, and Miranda let out a sigh as she dropped the tissue in her hand onto the coffee table, "Well then, I will say what I think happened, and you can correct me accordingly."

Andy continued to remain silent, and Miranda went on, "She must have found the rabbit in your hand. She's bitter that you have slowly been outranking her, so she got her little posse together to spread the show. She must have said something nasty about it. Something about you being a child, maybe. Perhaps even something about being afraid of me. Or about a desire to have children-"

Andy's throat was dry. Miranda was skirting around exactly what Emily had been saying. She spoke up, not wanting to hear the rest of what Miranda was saying, "Miranda, I-"

"No, no. I wasn't finished, Andrea. You see, I'm familiar with several reasons as to why a person may carry around a stuffed doll, or an animal, or a blanket. Not that this is information you should be privy to, or for you to share, but Caroline has clinical depression, and a social anxiety disorder. She has a stuffed leopard that she takes everywhere with her, either in her arms, or tucked into a backpack. Even with the medication and the therapy, little George is her security blanket."

Andy was so grateful that she wasn't looking at the older woman, as she felt her eyes almost pop out of her head at the fact that Miranda was sharing such personal information.

"However much it is possible, I don't think that's why you'd be carrying around your rabbit."

"Bunny. Her name is Azalea." Andy mumbled out before she could stop herself.

Miranda was silent for a moment before Andy was once again shocked by a chuckle that slipped from Miranda's lips, "All right then. I don't think that's why you'd be carrying around your bunny. Azalea doesn't look too ratty, so she most likely is associated with something that has happened more recently. She looks loved, so perhaps a few years ago- tops. Considering how you've been working here for seven months now, and there haven't been any problems with Emily about it… I'm going to say that this is probably one of the only times- if not the only time- that you've ever brought your bunny into the office."

Andy swallowed against her parched throat, "Miranda, please…"

Miranda cut her off softly, "How long ago, Andrea?"

Andy blinked back tears, "What?"

Suddenly her chin was being tilted, and her eyes were being caught by a piercing, stormy blue, "Correct me, if I'm wrong, but my assumption is that you lost a child sometime recently in your life."

A rush of emotion spilled forth, and Andy let out a loud sob, her whole body shaking as she began to cry and wail. Her eyes clenched shut and her mouth hung open and her face turned red.

Not really registering what was happening, Andy felt Miranda shift her body- somewhat awkwardly- closer to her, and then one arm was wrapped around her back, and the other buried into her hair and tugged her head down to rest against the front a silk clad shoulder. Soft hair tickled her cheek and ear, as Miranda's head pressed against her own. A hum filled the air, and Andy was only vaguely aware that it was Miranda.

Seconds turned into minutes, and as time crept forward, her boss held her as she cried. Miranda held her for a half hour as she simply bawled against her shoulder. As her tears started to slow, Miranda didn't release her, but held on as she continued to hum a soft tune.

The half hour slowly trickled into forty-five minutes, and Andy had stopped crying. She was now half asleep, her arms wrapped tightly around her boss, and her body snuggled warmly in the editor's arms.

Miranda's humming quietly came to an end, and a moment of silence blanketed them before she spoke, "Are you feeling more relaxed, and calm?"

Jerking out of her haze, Andy practically leapt away, "Oh God, Miranda. I- I'm so sorry. I, I'll get right to work. I-"

"Oh, hush, you silly girl, sit down, Andrea. There is nothing you need to apologize to me for." Miranda said gently, reaching out and tugging Andy back to the couch to sit.

"But I-"

"But nothing, Andrea. Tears and a little make up will not ruin the blouse I'm wearing. My morning was free, other than dealing with a mix up in the print room, so time has not been lost or wasted. I still have over an hour before Shanahan is to be here." She leaned over and picked up Azalea from where Andy had dropped the bunny in her haste to create a gap between their bodies. Chuckling again, about what Andy didn't have a clue, she brushed the bunny's head with her fingers before handing her back, "Would you like a glass of water? It wouldn't do you any good to get dehydrated."

Andy clutched her bunny to her chest, and looked down, willing fresh tears to remain at bay. Her mind was reeling for so many reasons, "Sure..." She murmured.

Miranda set her hand briefly atop Andy's thigh, "I'll be just a moment. Tissues are on the coffee table." She stood, and stepped away, leaving Andy still sitting on the couch to think about what had just occurred.

/DWP/

Miranda had returned with a bottle of her special Pellegrino, and had kindly handed it to Andy before sitting back down beside her.

Grabbing it from her, Andy quietly voiced her thanks before untwisting the cap and taking a sip of the cool water. Sucking in a deep breath, she swallowed and exhaled before placing the bottle onto the coffee table.

Miranda was sitting silently beside her, her body resting against the back of the couch, her head leaning against the wall… her eyes closed, her hands resting in her lap. She was waiting, and not pushing, for Andy to feel ready to speak.

Andy felt tears gather in her eyes again, "Thanks."

Miranda cracked her right eye open, and hummed a soft acknowledgement, but remained politely silent.

"Three years ago," Andy's voice cracked, and she paused. A soft hand reached over blindly, to rest against her knee, and it gave her a calming strength. "It was three years ago, today," she said again, a little more firmly. "It wasn't planned, but God, I was so excited. I didn't even care that we were just finishing off college. I had a decent job working on campus that came with benefits, and Nate had a steady job as well. So with a little help from family and friends, we would have been just fine. I found out quickly, by accident. I went in for a regular appointment, and lo and behold… I got a call about a week later when some blood work came in, and they informed me that I was just about three weeks along."

She sniffled and paused again, breathing shakily before continuing, "God… I had found out I was going to have a little girl when I went in for my eighteen week appointment. We were so excited. Nate was really kind, and supportive, and we had gone out to have a little party. My OB said that I was looking healthy, and my cervix was strong. The ultrasound went well, and we got to take pictures home. I was just into my twentieth week, and I could feel tiny little flutters. So soft, that it was only on the inside. I didn't tell Nate, because he wouldn't have been able to feel them with me… so it was my little secret, me and my little girl."

Miranda's hand squeezed her knee gently when a weak cry tumbled from her lips, "It's a beautiful feeling. I didn't fire anyone for three weeks when I first felt the girls."

Andy snorted, and used a tissue to wipe at her nose before going on, "Everything was going really well. I was gaining the right amount of weight. I was following my doctor's instructions. I was so excited to have my little girl, our Azalea. Nate had named her. He'd woken me up one night, with a happy smile on his face and asked me what I felt about it, as a name. He looked like he was waiting for presents at Christmas. The name stuck. We were going to name our baby girl Azalea."

"It's a very beautiful name," Miranda said quietly.

"I was eight months. We'd had a baby shower, a party. My professors were giving me extra work so I wouldn't get behind, because I asked them to. We had a little apartment that was just off of campus. It had a second bedroom that was perfect for a nursery. We were almost done with it. The painting had been finished. All we had left was to assemble the crib. I hadn't been feeling well, I had terrible back pain, so I went to bed early. I woke up, with cramping, and contractions." Andy's voice cracked and a sob burst forth. "I was rushed to the hospital… and they couldn't hear a heartbeat. I had been in labor, but the contractions I had been feeling were not very strong, so I just thought they were Braxton Hicks. My water had broken during the night, and she had begun to…" Andy sobbed again, "she had moved down, shifted to get ready to come out, and the cord got wrapped around her neck."

Tears washed down her cheeks again as she cried and sobbed.

Miranda's hand, that had still been resting on her knee, smoothed up and down her thigh a few times before moving to take one of Andy's hands and squeeze it.

"She suffocated, and was stillborn. If I had only woken up sooner, gone to the hospital when I wasn't feeling well. I killed my baby girl! Because I- because I-"

Suddenly, Miranda was sitting up, and turning her head and looking into her bleary eyes, "No. You did not kill your daughter. You were unprepared, and not expecting anything to happen at only eight months. It is normal and natural. If you had been neglecting your body and not following your doctor's instructions it would be a different story. But by going to bed early, not feeling well, is not cause to say that you killed your baby. Pregnancy takes so much out of your body, that it can cause you to sleep deeper. Not every woman feels her water breaking, even when they are awake. You did not kill your daughter."

"I should have-"

"Andrea, the sorrow will never leave, but the guilt does not belong in your heart. It's much easier to say you must rid yourself of it, than to do it, but I promise you, Andrea, that you didn't kill your daughter."

"How can you say that? She died because I went to sleep, instead of going to the hospital!"

Miranda's face turned stony, and she looked away as she spoke, her voice hard, "Because, Andrea, I am personally familiar with terminating a pregnancy."

Andy swallowed, "Wh- what?"

"It is none of your concern, Andrea, but do not take my words lightly. The guilt that weighs upon you, it does not belong there. Even if you had gotten to the hospital, the cord could have still wrapped around her neck. Most likely it would have, and it might not have been noticed until it was too late. I almost lost Cassidy that way, and I was in the best hospital New York has to offer, Andrea. Azalea would not want you to feel guilty, I would like to think. A baby can begin to hear from inside the womb, and I can imagine the happy sounds she heard, the joy and your excitement. She was lost, much too soon, but her death should not be mourned with guilt, Andrea. It will eat you up inside, and drown you."

Eyes wide with shock, Andy felt a little piece of herself begin to heal. Her death should not be mourned with guilt. The words echoed loudly in her ears. Her death should not be mourned with guilt.

"Emily said that the reason I carry around my bunny, is that Nate refuses to be the father to my fat babies. That's why I slapped her. Because it's me, who refuses to have children, because I believe I don't deserve them. Nate would happily want to try for a baby, but how can I do that? How can I go through being pregnant again, when I couldn't even protect my first baby from harm? How can I be a good mother to a child, after what happened to Azalea?"

"By loving your child with all your heart, even though the pain of losing Azalea never goes away. You aren't a bad person, Andrea. You aren't being blamed, or judged for the loss of your daughter, by anyone but yourself. Your love for her will never diminish if you decide to ever have more children."

They both fell silent, the only sound in the room the quiet snick of the clock ticking, and their breathing.

Andy's brain was whirling with information. She didn't know what to think, or how to feel. Miranda's words had had a soothing effect on her, but her heart still ached with pain and guilt. The suffering she'd been through in the last three years of her life was being tossed around and reshaped.

Her death should not be mourned with guilt.

You aren't being blamed, or judged for the loss of your daughter… by anyone but yourself.

That was true. Her whole family had not said a single harsh word about the loss of Azalea, and Nate had been the most supportive shoulder, despite not knowing exactly how to help. He'd been just as devastated, but he'd never told her it was her fault.

She took a deep breath, and ran her fingers over the bunny's soft fur, her racing heart calming, and her addled brain quieting enough that a new train of thought started.

Did Miranda blame herself for almost losing Cassidy? Did she blame herself for Caroline's depression?

Closing her eyes, she quickly cut off her thoughts and spoke up, "Thank you."

Miranda gave her a hum of acknowledgement, and slowly removed her hand from Andy's, "Roy will be downstairs when you get there. You are to take the rest of today off, with no pay, for attacking a co-worker, and for your lack of professionalism. You will find a bonus this month, as compensation for being harassed by a co-worker, and having your privacy invaded through theft. Emily will be dealt with, and punished appropriately for her lack of professionalism, for theft of a co-worker's belongings, and for the harassment of a co-worker."

Andy fought the smile that wanted to spread across her face as she opened her eyes. Miranda was twisting the company policy to work in Andy's favor. Miranda was doing something kind for her, but still following company rules. She was sure the bonus would amply make up for the money lost by being sent home for the rest of the day.

She stood, and nodded when Miranda glanced back at her, "Of course, Miranda. I don't wish to press charges for the harassment. I will be sure to remember my professionalism in the future, and refrain from backhanding my co-workers."

"Good. Now leave the office, and go home. That's all."

Despite her still conflicted emotions, Andy's heart felt lighter as she followed instructions, grabbing her purse as she left.

Perhaps… perhaps she would finally be able to begin healing after Azalea's death. Perhaps she could do as Miranda said, and rid herself of her guilt.

Stepping onto the elevator when it opened, Andy held her bunny close to her chest.

She would never be able to understand the complexities of Miranda- not completely- but she had gotten a glimpse into the private world that her boss lived, and she would not take it lightly or with a grain of salt.

It wasn't a miracle fix, but Miranda's words had opened up her eyes, and Andy was going to take her afternoon and evening off to reflect on what Miranda had told her.

Perhaps… this was something she had needed.

Maybe it was something they both had needed.

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><p><strong>AN:**

**So, what did you think?**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts in a review!**

**Thank you all for your kindness, and for your patience.**

**You're all wonderful!**

**A girl couldn't ask for a better fandom. :D**

**Thanks again to XV for her help! *Also known as XVnot15* It was super great of you!**

**All my love,**

**CBC**


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